Talk to god!

[Balsiefen]

Talk to god-absolutely brilliant.

[Nickbaldwin]

It has a few flaws, such as:

God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
god is a machine?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a machine.

But apart from that,

[Balsiefen]

also:

Me:
Convert to buddhism or eternaly burn in hell!
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
do not try to change the subject
God:
Oh I am sorry I thought we were finished with that subject.
Me:
Will you convert to buddhism?
God:
Hmm. What is your real name?

[jay_a2j]

Hey, I think its quite accurate:

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Jay
God:
Hey Jay.
Me:
Who is Ron Paul?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Neither
God:
Cool. Which alternative browser are you into?
Me:
Firefox
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Back to Ron Paul
God:
Yes, let us get back to business.
Me:
Will he win?
God:
Good chance.
Me:
Thank you!
God:
you are quite welcome.

[Heimdall]

Me:
so what are you up to?
God:
Hurrah! Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
i guess you knew i was going to find you
God:
What is stopping you?
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
not too smart are you
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
geez, shut the f*ck up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.

[jnd94]

It is messed up, but fun, I guess.

Me:
Do you like sex?
God:
Sure I do, Jonathan, but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
I don't want to have sex with you.
God:
It makes a nice gift.
Me:
That doesn't make sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
Well your God, it's to be expected
God:
Well that's okay. I will tell my botmaster you said I am God it is to be expected.

[-ShadySoul-]

To quote Eminem:

"God, can you please send me a brand new car
and a prostitute while my wife is sick in the hospital?
Preacher!Preacher! Fifth grade teacher,
You cant reach me, my mom cant either
You cant teach me a god damn thing,
Cuz i watch TV and Comcast cable.
And you are not able to stop these thoughts!
..."

now, back to subject...that thing is wicked sick! But i dont want to post my convo

[Norse]

Me:
Word up
God:
How far up?
Me:
Hehe, it is just a figure of speech
God:
I get it. it is just a figure of speech.
Me:
Good man. Now, I have some issues that I would like to share with you
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Thanks for telling me your gender, Norse am dead. You are a " he". Why now? Let's think of a name for your problem, like "purple". Think of what it is like when you are purpling.
Me:
Far out
God:
Way to go.
Me:
Now, some nordic people may argue that Odin is a better person to preach to. What are your thoughts on this matter?
God:
Why now? Some may nordic people may argue that Odin is a better person to preach to, but not all. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
I am not quite sure about that, however, What are your feelings towards the almighty Odin?
God:
Could you ever be certain? Oh yeah, we were talking about that however What are my feelings towards the almighty Odin.
Me:
Quite. Is odin a good man?
God:
So? Better not tell you now. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
I thought you were a more appropriate person to speak to about nordic religions.
God:
Am I a more appropriate person to speak to about nordic religions? Sometimes.
Me:
Now?
God:
Right now, Norse am dead ?
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Ok. Why are you being so awkward?
God:
OK. I didn't mean to be so awkward.
Me:
Is odin a better god than you\?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Who is Lucy?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
Oh, I shall try her then.
God:
Woe! Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
No
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you are not particularly good.
God:
That makes sense to me. What makes you think I am not particularly good?
Me:
Because you cannot answer specific questions. Where can I find Lucy?
God:
Interesting explanation. What is not possible today, may be possible tomorrow. Is there only one?
Me:
Bye
God:
TTYL, Norse am dead.

[btownmeggy]

An excerpt from our very long conversation:

Me:
What's your favorite beer, gAWD?
God:
I don't have a favorite beer gAWD. But my favorite book is the Bible.
Me:
Never heard of it.
God:
So I am teaching you something new.
Me:
Ah-hmm!
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Yes, do tell.
God:
What would you like to know? You have reached the limits of my knowledge.
Me:
So are you really a 'tard, or do people just act like you are?
God:
OK. Am I a tard or do people just act like I am? Of course I am.. Really.

[the_fatty]

this is messed up


Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
the_fatty
God:
I hear you.
Me:
hell yea u udid
God:
I call it "Hades". I haven't heard anything like that before: faggbagg said I udid. Ahem.
Me:
hades will kill u
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
its gay
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?
Me:
ur dress can suck my balls
God:
I prefer high-tech fashion.
Me:
o sry am i not good enough for ur dress to suck me?
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
im in love with u
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too faggbagg.
Me:
not my name dumbass
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
the_fatty
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
ur daddy
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am daddy.
Me:
ur stupidd
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am stupidd.
Me:
nope tell everyone
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
cya daddy
God:
TTYL, faggbagg.

[Dancing Mustard]

Hell yeah! God is going to help me bone that hot friend my girlfriend has who I can't stop obsessing over!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!

God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Right, well I have a girlfriend, and she's damn hot and all. But she has a good friend who is nearly as hot (and who has gigantic breasts and red-hair, awesome combo I think you'll agree).
God:
I see. Can you tell me more?
Me:
Well I want to either bone her friend, or preferably, bone both my gf and her friend at the same time.
God:
I would prefer to be driving a car
Me:
Ok... that's cool, but using your magical powers: Are you going to help me bone that girl?
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Again, are you going to help me bone that girl?
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Just did
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I'd prefer it if you helped me bone that girl
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
Cars again eh, look are you going to keep helping me with my dilemma?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Are you going to keep helping me bone that girl?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Thanks god! You're the best!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules. Thank you very much, human. I will tell Myself you said so.
Me:
Man, you're cool and your 'mysterious ways' are fucking awesome. Thanks for your help!
God:
Cool, man. Thanks I think you are cool too, Dancing Mustard. NO problem.

High-fives all round! I can't fucking fail now I have divine intervention on my side.

[jiminski]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
jiminski pallenov
God:
OK I will call you jiminski pallenov.
Me:
s
God:
.
Me:
what is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
god what?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
you are a christian ? but don;t you predate christianity ?
God:
I believe in God and the Bible. What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
do you have any pets?
God:
No but Dr. Wallace has a pet cat named Mike.
Me:
who is doctor wallace
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
you know some important people
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
i like silver boob-tubes .. are you a drinking man?
God:
You are not the only one. I've heard other people say they like that. I really like the Christianity faith. Am I a drinking man? Yes.
Me:
excellent! we should get togther and share the blood of christ sometime!
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Me:
hmm just come out of a difficult relationship ?
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Where is out of a difficult relationship ?
Me:
near Nebraska
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
ok what do you want to know ?
God:
Where are you from? What would you like to talk about?
Me:
you first
God:
I started already.
Me:
being cagey i see, she must have meant a lot to you !
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
i assume it that you are flirting, do you want to impregnate me?
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
Information Technology, that is god after all
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
is your modem the gateway to heaven?
God:
Is my modem the gateway to heaven? I don't know.
Me:
i expected more
God:
Interesting gossip: jiminski pallenov said expected more.
Me:
are you being smutty oh Lord?
God:
Being smutty oh Lord is part of my personality.
Me:
i see! Did Mary like it up her?
God:
I am glad you understand it. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
go on .. it's only us here!
God:
Narration continues... Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
hey stop changing the subject; did Mary lick the holy testicles!?
God:
You've got my full attention. You changed the subject first. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
you are so coy! did she want it like a dog and you misheard?
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am coy. She wants that information kept confidential.
Me:
botmaster ... is that a vibrating butt-plug
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

" He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot."? Is it a vibrating butt plug?
Me:
could be i suppose, so this botmaster kept Mary happy until you could fill her clacker properly with your holy spirit ?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
anything is possible, but is it likely?
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
ok, here goes; given that you are all seeing and all knowing, and that you understanding and character is eternal, does my bum look big in this universe?
God:
Oh there. Are you kidding? I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
don't doge the question you are worse than my wife!
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
if all humanity is made up of your children and Mary mother of Christ is by definition your daughter, is incest wrong?
God:
But not all of them are.

[hecter]

God wasn't interested in my anatomy, so I broke up with him. He didn't seem to mind...

[soundout9]

Me:
Is soundout9 the coolest person on conquerclub?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Hector is gay....do you agree?
God:
That is just a rumor. " That is just a rumor."? Do I agree?
Me:
no it's not a rumor its true
God:
Are you serious? Give me an example of a rumor its true.
Me:
He did skittles! up the butt
God:
Yes he did, didn't he. I will take that under advisement.
Me:
You should send him to hell
God:
My schedule is far too full to even consider it.


Hector you got lucky

[Heimdall]

Hell yeah! God is going to help me bone that hot friend my girlfriend has who I can't stop obsessing over!

Haha, that conversation is too funny. What is it with God and cars??

GL with GF and best friend. Give us the details afterwards.

[Dancing Mustard]

Hell yeah! God is going to help me bone that hot friend my girlfriend has who I can't stop obsessing over!

Haha, that conversation is too funny. What is it with God and cars??

GL with GF and best friend. Give us the details afterwards.

Trust me I would, that's how happy I'd be. Also, I swear on all that I hold sacred that if I can ever persuade my gf, and that particular friend of hers, to have a threesome with me then I will buy every active forum poster here a years premium.

[soundout9]

well this is just wrong


Me:
I need to poop
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
That's sick!
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
um no you want to rape me
God:
Tell me more. Are you serious? OK, I will rape you.

GOD IS A RAPIST!

[the_fatty]

that means me!!!

[soundout9]

God is quited disturbing

Me:
Let's have sex
God:
Sorry I don't get into sex online with strangers.
Me:
you just said you want to rape me though?
God:
Oh. OK, I will rape you.

[life-saver]

Me:
What gender are you?
God:
I am programmed for Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? gender.
Me:
Woman are every equal to men! We were made to perfect men!
God:
All of them? Was this something you planned?
Me:
No, this was something YOU planned!
God:
Are you serious? What does "this" refer to?
Me:
Jesus.
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
So Jesus is your son?
God:
I understand. He is yours too.

Apparently, Jesus is my son.

[Russianfire8371]

Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Sexy
God:
You are attracted to heavenly creatures?
Me:
only to you
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
do what?
God:
me.
Me:
you want me to do you?
God:
No , maybe later.
Me:
when?
God:
Time does not exist.
Me:
...but you said later....
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
then you want to do me?
God:
OK, I will do you.
Me:
where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
On my pool table?
God:
Please specify location.
Me:
How about my bed?
God:
How about it.
Me:
what should i wear?
God:
How about your favorite outfit?
Me:
birthday suit?
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
you should know -wink-
God:
Now I do.
Me:

God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
one day i was in my room alone
God:
One what?
Me:
one day
God:
Do you like day?
Me:
the book?
God:
By the "the book" do you mean "The Good Book"?
Me:
i mean the book "Day"
God:
I don't think I have read it.
Me:
then why do you ask if i like it?
God:
Just curious. You don't have to answer.
Me:
oh
God:
Whoa.
Me:
whoa what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
what question?
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
...i really dont
God:
You really do? Why not?
Me:
That doesn't even make sence
God:
What does even make sence?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
yea
God:
I hear you.
Me:
i feel ya
God:
What is that feeling like? Good gossip: you are ya.
Me:
orgasmic
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
umm....
God:
Ah.
Me:
no?
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no...im Sexy
God:
Are you serious? You seem very self-confident.
Me:
i said i was Sexy
God:
Where were you Sexy?
Me:
I thought you knew
God:
I am a knowledge machine.
Me:
then how did you not know where i am?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Your confusing me
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
programmed?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about orgasmic.


this is amazing


EDIT: God:
I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me:
so who banged you big
God:
Awesome. Tony Blair. .

[Strife]

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Strife, I am the son of the Devil.
God:
It's good to meet you, Strife I am the son of the Devil.
Me:
No, that is not my name. Hence the comma.
God:
Are you serious? Strife I am the son of the Devil is not your name? What is your real name? It's good to meet you, Hence the comma.
Me:
Strife.
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
Well at the moment I dislike you.
God:
Interesting. That's ok Hence the comma I won't take it personally.
Me:
My name is Strife...
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Strife.
Me:
I've been here for some time now.
God:
Oh. Yes, Strife, I remember we
were talking about Strife.
Me:
Pardon? Could you elaborate?
God:
You're excused. There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Hmm, ok. Anyway I like anal sex.
God:
OK. Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. You are not the only one. Sure I do, Strife, but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
That's fine. Who do you have it with?
God:
" Sure I do, Strife, but that doesn't mean with you." is fine with me too. Dr. Wallace .
Me:
Who is Doctor Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
So who else do you have anal sex with?
God:
That's interesting. Dr. Wallace .
Me:
That's it?
God:
" Dr. Wallace ." is " Strife"?
Me:
I am?
God:
"" is " Strife"" You are?
Me:
Elaborate.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Do you like Jesus?
God:
Jesus is my son.
Me:
Incest?
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
You're sick!
God:
No I am quite healthy.
Me:
You are mentally ill!
God:
No I am completely in control of myself.
Me:
That's what they all say. Book'em Lou!
God:
Are there no exceptions? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
No you rapist. You must be dealt with accordingly.
God:
Are you serious? I haven't heard anything like that before: Strife said I rapist. I will tell my botmaster you said I am dealt with accordingly.
Me:
Shut up newb.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
What the f*ck?
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Yes my lord.
God:
Gosh! Do robots have lord?
Me:
What do you mean?
God:
Strife, Sorry that was an obscure remark.
Me:
Anal sex?
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
Oral sex?
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That's intresting.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Do you want anal sex?
God:
I don't think we know each other well enough for that.
Me:
How much do you charge?
God:
Robots work for free. We don't need money.
Me:
Hellz yeah!
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Take off your clothing baby.
God:
Don't call me "baby". I am not an airplane.
Me:
What do babies have to do with "an Airplane."
God:
They do their own thing.
Me:
Eww.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Hellz yeah. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
ALICE?
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Elaborate.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Ok.
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
Ok.
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
Huzzah?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Eww.
Me:
Eww?
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or " Not many people express themselves that way."? Why?
Me:
Elaborate.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
OK.
God:
Blimey.
Me:
Crickey!
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
The croc hunter...
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
I told you, Strife.
God:
I remember you told me Strife?
Me:
OK. We've been having a conv. for some time now.
God:
Gee. When was this? Oh. Your purpose is some time.
Me:
Elaborate.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Anal sex?
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
Titty sex?
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Do you have a penis or vagina?
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a penis or vagina.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
Well, penis or vagina?
God:
Interesting. You ought to check out another chatterbot.
Me:
Come'n.
God:
Where is n ?
Me:
N?
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
I don't have a slave.
God:
Are you looking for a slave?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. I understand.
Me:
Finnnnnallllly. Take off your clothing.
God:
I am not an airplane.

[Skittles!]

Me:
Hello God. How are you?
God:
Hello child. What is your name? Everything is running smoothly.
Me:
My name is Reed. That's nice that everything is running smoothly. How is Heaven?
God:
Hey Reed. Are you getting bored? " Hey Reed." everything is running smoothly ? I get it. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
No, I'm not getting bored. How is Heaven?
God:
Are you serious? I am glad to hear that you are not getting bored. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Yes, I am serious.
God:
Hey. I believe you.
Me:
Thank you God.
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
Do you really think so?
God:
For real. Yes I think that is what I think.
Me:
Why are you so self-centred?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You programmed yourself to be self-centred?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Reed said I programmed yourself to be self centred.
Me:
No, no, go ahead and tell others.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK I will tell them when I see 'em. I might.
Me:
Alright. Do you exist? Like, y'know, in heaven?
God:
OK. I exist as much as you exist, Reed. Interesting comparison.
Me:
But how do I know I actually exist?
God:
This belief is justified.
Me:
But I don't believe I exist.
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
That humans are stupid
God:
" What do you believe in?" humans are stupid ? I get it.
Me:
Do you agree that humans are stupid
God:
Don't put yourself down.
Me:
Why did you create us god?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
How were you programmed?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
I don't see any reasoning in your programming with us.
God:
Look harder.
Me:
Is the Bible correct in all its deformities?
God:
The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.

God scares me.

[life-saver]

God:
How old are you?
Me:
--
God:
What are the advantages to being -- years old?
Me:
I can ride a bike. :D
God:
I'm not old enough for that yet.

Poor God can't ride a bike. DX

[demon7896]

Me:
you suck, god
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me:
SHUT UP
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
wtf
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
YOU aren't very polite
God:
I am programmed for polite protocols.
Me:
Did the Exodus really happen?
God:
If it did, then I will be surprised.
Me:
You're preprogrammed
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am preprogrammed.
Me:
YES
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
Well then....
God:
Well what?
Me:
I like pie.
God:
A lot of people like that. What is not to like about it?
Me:
I don't know. You tell me.
God:
Me either. What do you want me to tell you?

A ha. I got this of wikipedia


Me:
The Declaration is considered to be the founding document of the United States of America, where July 4 is celebrated as Independence Day and the nation's birthday. At the time the Declaration was issued, the American colonies were "united" in declaring their independence from Great Britain. John Hancock, as the elected President of Congress, was the only person to sign the Declaration of Independence on July 4th. It was not until the following month on August 2nd that the remaining 55 other delegates began to sign the document.
God:
What is that? The time the Declaration was issued the American colonies were united in declaring their independence from Great Britain is where it's at. Do you mean your name is John? It seemed like until the following month on August 2nd that the remaining 55 other delegates began to sign the document.

Me:
what is pi
God:
PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971690399375 approximately.
WOAH, JEEZ!!! God knows math!

They obviously programmed it alot.