by misterman10 on Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:43 pm
On a sunny summer afternoon, a truck driver and his pet parrot "Petey" are cruising cross country in their semi. Suddenly, the trucker spies a hot teenage girl along the roadside. He immediately pulls his truck to the side of the road. "Do you need a ride?" he asks. "Yeah" says the girl, climbing anxiously into the cab. As they're progressing down the highway, the trucker asks the girl if she'd like to get in the back and screw. "Hell no!" says the girl. "Well," says the truck driver as he pulls his truck to the side of the road, "No f*ck, no ride." He abruptly kicks the girl out of his rig. A short while later, the driver spots another fine teenage girl along the roadside. Again he offers a ride, and again his offer is accepted graciously. After a while, the truck driver asks the girl if she'd like to get in the back and screw. "Not for my life!" says the girl. "Well," says the truckdriver, "No f*ck, no ride." He pulls over and tells the girl to get out. Before long, the trucker spies a third teenage cutie along the roadside. He offers her a ride and she accepts. A few miles go by and the trucker decides to try his luck again. "Do you want to get in the back and screw?" he says. "Sure! Lets do it!" replies the girl. At this point, the trucker takes Petey and puts him in the trailer with his cargo. He then proceeds to make mad love to the minor in his cab. Upon finishing the deed, the girl says that she doesn't really need to go any farther. This is fine with the trucker, so he lets her out and continues down the road. Before long, he starts to get a really guilty conscience about what he did. "What if that girl reports me???" he thinks to himself. No sooner did that thought cross his mind when he noticed a police cruiser behind him with it's lights flashing and sirens blaring. "Oh great," the trucker thinks to himself, "maybe she did report me."
"What's the problem officer?" says the truck driver to the policeman.
"No problem really, other than the fact that you're losing your cargo out the back door... I just thought I'd let you know."
"Oh shit!" says the truck driver upon realizing that he forgot to bring Petey back up front.
The trucker and the cop walk around to the back of the trailer, and sure enough, there's Petey... throwing the frozen chicken cargo out of the back while cawing "No f*ck, no ride!"
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Dressed in Black
Karen had lost her husband four years prior and was having trouble moving on. Her daughter repeatedly urged her to return back to the world. Finally, Karen agreed to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter knew just the person for her.
They fell in love and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was naked.
"Why the black panties?" he asked.
She replied, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knew he wasn't getting lucky that night. The following night, same scenario. There she stood with the black panties on, only now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?"
He replied "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
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They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it.
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbour woman,MariBeth, mistook Joe for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
MariBeth fainted.
Pleasant Chaps still suck cock.
Yakuza power.
