by bedub1 on Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:51 am
Many years gone by, I sit here in my boat, legs set up on the seat in front of me, staring off into the evening sun. The birds chirp, the frogs croak, the fish jump, and the water bugs dart around like a spider on a web of silk. Casting my line out into the sunset, I pull my cap down to shade my face from the blast of the sunlight in my face. Sigh. It’s only partially beneficial as the glare is gleaming off the surface of the water. My sunglasses are a help, but not enough to let me lie here in peace. Closing my eyes, setting my bible on my lap, I think of a time gone past. Reading my bible wont’ help; my past is inescapable; it is part of me, it is who I am. I cannot escape my actions; I cannot run away from what I have done. No more than you can run away from your heritage, from those people who are your family. My memories fade back, to the photo of my wife, sitting on my nightstand.
We started out as a young, reckless couple. We were just a couple of kids back in high school. She was the woman of my dreams, wrapped up in a scarf to fend off the cold, my letter jacket draped across her shoulders in an advertisement of her belonging. We had been preparing for this night for weeks. Her mother had taken her shopping, the purchase of a fine knock off designer purse to go with the cubic zirconia silver necklace wrapped tightly around her neck made her sparkle like the goddess she was. The lust and desire she instilled in my loins grew in an exponential curve every time I saw her. Glimpsing her from across the way caused my heart to flutter; thoughts of impurity would be the end of me.
I was a simple young man. Like most young men of my age, my thoughts drew of nothing but sex and cars. Cars I had, sex I was planning for. Our prom was to be one of the ages, stories to tell the children of. Little did I know how accurate my expectations were to be. I would be telling this story one day, sooner than I though.
Women had always been a side note for me. My focus was on running. Only recently had I worn my shoes bald, requiring a trip to the mall with my mother. Sigh…my mother. No young mans worse nightmare than shopping with his mother. I’d rather wrap her in a fish net, weigh her down with cinder blocks, and sink her to the bottom of my favorite fishing lake for the crabs to feast on than go shopping in public with her. But hey, she has money, and I need shoes. The trip to the mall was uneventful, except for the fact I managed to swindle a little bit more money of out her. She agreed to splurge on a bottle of perfume. It was amazing to see the sparkle in her eye as I requested of her to go with me to find the right kind. I could almost see her eyes glaze over, a sheen come upon her as she seemed to travel back in time to a younger point in her life. How I shivered at the thought, realizing she had already experienced what I was to experience.
The shopping experience over, my gift purchased, I was prepared for the evening to come. I picked her up at her house, smiled at her father and waved him a friendly “I won’t hurt her” and drove off into the evening. She placed her hand on my thigh as we approached the school. I was so excited I barely managed to squeeze my car into the parking spot. Running up the steps into the school house, my phone rang. I stopped for a moment, she kept on running, stopping a few steps later. Hello, I said. The voice on the other end said, meet me upstairs in 10 minutes if you ever wanna get laid, and then hung up. I looked at the phone in amazement, curious as to who the caller was. Thinking nothing of it, I scooped up my girl and carried her into the building.
We entered in, taking in the lights, the music, the friends. I could see the glisten of the lights off her face, causing her to glow like a angel. We made our way onto the dance floor, and the night began. The first dance was magnificent, dancing in the light to the beauty of the music. Unfortunately I couldn’t keep my mind on her, as I kept thinking about the phone call. I didn’t want to leave her alone, but needed to know who had called. Making an excuse about needing the restroom, I darted off to the side, looked back to see her looking the other way, and shot up the stairs. Creeping into the room at the top, I found my teacher, with an empty bottle of jack, swaying in the music. She came to me, grabbed my loins, and threw me down on the sofa. I didn’t resist, the aggressiveness with which she came at me was amazing, I couldn’t help myself. As she straddled me and rode away, a hand waving in the night to the rhythm of the music, my mind wavered to the image of a cowboy riding a horse, hat swaying in the air. The experience was amazing, and over before I could truly begin to imagine it.
Slowly I opened my eyes back up, clearing the thoughts from my head. I had committed the gravest of sins, being close with both my teacher and my future wife in the same night. It wasn’t that I had been with the teacher, but that when I thought back to the magical night, I didn’t think of my wife, but of my teacher. I set the bible down on the floor of the boat, and leaned up. I had no right. I had no choice. I could not continue to exist in this world with the person that I had become. Although my wife had passed many years before, I felt it was my dishonesty that had killed her. Slowly I reeled in the line, looking at the hook, and noticing, and that once again, it was empty. Sigh. I never caught anything in this lake. Not since that night. Not since I had done “the deed”. My life with my wife had been great, but had always been clouded in a haze of secrecy. I honestly believed she knew, but she never said.
I set the fishing pole in the holder. Examined the cinder blocks before me. Tying the rope around my legs, I envisioned my wife, holding my hand, cutting the cake. I saw my teacher, across the dance floor, licking her lips. Pulling the knot tight, I took the hook, placed it in my mouth, and tossed the bricks overboard. I had been caught.
