by Dukasaur on Mon Aug 26, 2019 9:23 pm
The idea of a "smart phone" is really stupid.
GPS is for retards that can't read a map.
The day I ask a machine to recommend a restaurant, I'll sell my cock on the Chicago pork belly exchange.
It's funny when I have an intersection closed for construction. I'll see the same car with the same millennial idiot circle around sometimes four or five times. They come to the closed road, stop, circle around the block, come back, eyes glued to the phone, not on the road, but on the phone. Then they're back again ten minutes later, and again, and again. The whole time I'm standing there, perfectly willing to give them directions, but they won't talk to me. The only one they'll take direction from is from their phone. Of course when they turn, the phone just adapts their course and brings them back to the same closed road. I pity them, so I try to flag them down and give them advice, but of course they see nothing. Their eyes are only for their phone.
Eventually I'll succeed in getting their attention, and then they'll say something like "my phone didn't tell me there was a detour." What I want to say is, "OF COURSE YOUR PHONE DIDN'T TELL YOU THERE WAS A DETOUR. IT'S A FUCKING PHONE. IT'S FOR MAKING PHONE CALLS. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE DETOUR, YOU LOOK AT ROAD SIGNS. R-O-A-D S-I-G-N-S. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE? THEY'RE THE THINGS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING AT INSTEAD OF YOUR IDIOT PHONE." But of course I don't say anything like that. I'm the very picture of perfect public relations, I tell them how to get through the detour. "Go down to Highway 20, cross over at the Allanburg Bridge." And then they say something like "where's the Allanburg Bridge?" at which point I really want to grab a piece of rebar and smash their heads open to see if there's anything other than chicken diarrhea inside. But once again, I smile sweetly, thank the Gods of Pleasant Public Relations, and tell them, "take Highway 20 Westbound, when you pass the village of Allanburg, you'll see a bridge up ahead, you cross that bridge and at the very next ramp you rejoin the regular highway."
You know, one day the cops won't have to arrest people any more. When they want you in jail, they'll just hijack your phone, input directions to the jail cell, and 9 out of 10 will just obediently drive to jail, not looking left or right, and walk right in to their cell, eyes glued to their idiot phones every step of the way.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
― Voltaire