The Universal Jokes thread.

[BoganGod]

yep, some gooders in that batch uh huh.

Why do dogs lick their arseholes?
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To get the taste of Fake Bern's hand out of their mouth.

[riskllama]

boo.

[BoganGod]

What did the cervix say to the gynaecologist?
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dilated to meet you!

[DirtyDishSoap]

A man walks into a bar, off to the side he notices a horse with a sign below it that says: "If you can make me blush, laugh and cry, drinks will be free!"
The man takes up this challenge and goes up to the horse and whispers something in his ear. The horse blushes. He whispers again and the horse starts to laugh. The man then takes the horse outback, and after about a minute, you can hear the horse sobbing quietly.

The man comes back into the bar and the bartender, dumbfounded at how the man made this horse blush, laugh and cry, asked him what exactly he told and did to the horse.

"Well, I first told the horse that he was a sexy beast, he blushed. I then told the horse that I had a bigger dick. The horse laughed. I took him out back and showed him, he started to cry."

[DirtyDishSoap]

Officer pulls over a car that was driving erratically. As the officer comes up, he notices 3 guys in the car, all looking perfectly normal with no hint of alcohol. Baffled at this situation, the cop asks the driver the question "What exactly were you doing before I pulled you over?"
The driver responds "Blowing bubbles."
The cop gets confused at this, and then looks over at the passenger and asks "What were you doing in the car then?"
The passenger responds "I was also blowing bubbles."
The cop gets a little pissed at this and angrily asks what the backseat passenger was doing.
The backseat passenger responds "I was just minding my own business, officer!"

The cop is pretty pissed at this point, thinking that the three of them were playing him for an idiot, so intended to write a ticket for all three. "What's all of your names, starting with you." Pointing at the driver.
Driver responds "My name is Mike."
Passenger chimes in "My name is Bill."
Backseat passenger then just looks at the officer with a dead straight face "Mine is Bubbles."

[BoganGod]

Officer pulls over a car that was driving erratically. As the officer comes up, he notices 3 guys in the car, all looking perfectly normal with no hint of alcohol. Baffled at this situation, the cop asks the driver the question "What exactly were you doing before I pulled you over?"
The driver responds "Blowing bubbles."
The cop gets confused at this, and then looks over at the passenger and asks "What were you doing in the car then?"
The passenger responds "I was also blowing bubbles."
The cop gets a little pissed at this and angrily asks what the backseat passenger was doing.
The backseat passenger responds "I was just minding my own business, officer!"

The cop is pretty pissed at this point, thinking that the three of them were playing him for an idiot, so intended to write a ticket for all three. "What's all of your names, starting with you." Pointing at the driver.
Driver responds "My name is Mike."
Passenger chimes in "My name is Bill."
Backseat passenger then just looks at the officer with a dead straight face "Mine is Bubbles."

Blowing bubbles jokes are great, quite a few in my memory involving Michael Jackson and his chimp bubbles.

[jonesthecurl]

Sir Lancelot was gay, and he liked to read. Either way, he kept turning over the pages.

[BoganGod]

Sir Lancelot was gay, and he liked to read. Either way, he kept turning over the pages.

boom tish.


The song "nights in white satin, never reaching the end" could just as well read. Knights in white satin, never.... never you mind now