Conquer Club

Anyone up for some text-based D&D?
I've got a kewl dungeon all sorted. Just need some plucky souls to navigate it. The objective is to find the treasure, which is so awesome that if you don't find it you will probably kill yourselves.

Choose your own characters or use one of the following:
Dave, the alcoholic halfling, roars a lot and has had to deal with dragons and sizeism his whole life. This has made him bitter. He likes fighting and drinking meths and techno.

Gorbals, a bipolar elf, is good at swords but due to her drepession has to lie down a lot in dark rooms with a damp cloth on her forehead. She can see in the dark but needs to eat carrots.

Kenny Loggins is a dark wizard who was turned into a dolphin by a mysterious enchantress. He has to live in a big fishtank on wheels, which is a massive pain in the arse, but he can do spells and echo-location and minesweeping.

If you're ready, let us enter...... The Temple of Doom™

>chain ""

LOADING
RUN


You are standing in a stone room. Water drips from the roof. Except it's not water, it's BLOOD. To the north is an old amusement park. To the south is a heavy locked door. To the east is a n NHS mobile mammogram unit. There is a table with a nintendo NES controller, some carrots and a jug of water on it.

What would you like to do?
>_

Ive no idea how to play but if its how I think it is Ill be gorbals and eat the carrots

if not then tell me

What roll do I have to pass if I try to insert the carrots into my familiar (type: Thai Prostitute)? Will I get a positive modifier if I use the water/blood to lubricate her first?

Regardless of the answer to the above: I would like to remove my shirt, ready my Ball-Gag equipment, and perform the 'Salivate Excessively' feat while continuing to hold my familiar's leash.

Well since the dice on this poxy site are so RIGGED, we will dispense with them. So do whatever you want. Except inserting carrots into your familiar's orifices, Gorbals ate them all. Try the NES controller.

Some children enter from the amusement park. One has a tiny unicorn, one turns invisible, one is a badass barbarian and there is also a chick with a green pole. The unicorn bleats in a way that makes all present want to rip its horn off and stick it up its arse.

Dungeon Master is not sure where this is going, if anywhere, except as a desperate exercise in procrastination when he has 1,800 words to write by 5pm. Ah bollocks.

>_

heavycola wrote:Well since the dice on this poxy site are so RIGGED, we will dispense with them. So do whatever you want. Except inserting carrots into your familiar's orifices, Gorbals ate them all. Try the NES controller.

Some children enter from the amusement park. One has a tiny unicorn, one turns invisible, one is a badass barbarian and there is also a chick with a green pole. The unicorn bleats in a way that makes all present want to rip its horn off and stick it up its arse.

Dungeon Master is not sure where this is going, if anywhere, except as a desperate exercise in procrastination when he has 1,800 words to write by 5pm. Ah bollocks.

>_

So did you get it done?

Tripitaka wrote:

heavycola wrote:Well since the dice on this poxy site are so RIGGED, we will dispense with them. So do whatever you want. Except inserting carrots into your familiar's orifices, Gorbals ate them all. Try the NES controller.

Some children enter from the amusement park. One has a tiny unicorn, one turns invisible, one is a badass barbarian and there is also a chick with a green pole. The unicorn bleats in a way that makes all present want to rip its horn off and stick it up its arse.

Dungeon Master is not sure where this is going, if anywhere, except as a desperate exercise in procrastination when he has 1,800 words to write by 5pm. Ah bollocks.

>_

So did you get it done?

My achievements today:
a) the consumption of several pints of nescafe
b) an upswelling of self-pity
c) the development of a nervous tic (possibly caffeine-related)
d) winning my second World 2.0 4-hander in a row*


*so not a completely wasted day. How's the skiving?

I would like to play, but all my knowledge of AD&D is based on Baldur's Gate. Do you take newbs?

mandalorian2298 wrote:I would like to play, but all my knowledge of AD&D is based on Baldur's Gate. Do you take newbs?

Baldur's Gate had me stumped after about 10 minutes, all of which i spent trying to get a dwarf to drop an axe or something. Way out of my league.

I would like to pick my nose, using a cool D20.

suggs wrote:I would like to pick my nose, using a cool D20.

[roll]1d20[/roll]
Oooooh... You failed your save. Th die is stuck up your nose.

heavycola wrote:

mandalorian2298 wrote:I would like to play, but all my knowledge of AD&D is based on Baldur's Gate. Do you take newbs?

Baldur's Gate had me stumped after about 10 minutes, all of which i spent trying to get a dwarf to drop an axe or something. Way out of my league.

That never happende to me. I never play Dwarfs.

What I ment to say was that I know very little about D&D mechanics. Can I still play?