Need help picking Feudal Epic settings

I have played one game on Feudal Epic, and I enjoyed the map; however, when I asked for help in the forums, I was told that it is good to sit and wait a while, letting your opponents come to you.
As a non-premium member and one who becomes bored quite easily, I am looking to avoid this.
Could someone please give me some advice as to what settings will produce a more-action oriented game?
P.S. Also, is it possible to avoid the "kill or be killed" situation the moment you and your closest neighbor have both burst through your walls?
As a non-premium member and one who becomes bored quite easily, I am looking to avoid this.
Could someone please give me some advice as to what settings will produce a more-action oriented game?

P.S. Also, is it possible to avoid the "kill or be killed" situation the moment you and your closest neighbor have both burst through your walls?