As many know, I have been raising 13 chickens and a life-size poster of Wayne Rooney for the last three months on a single parent income. The chickens eat mostly feed and Wayne doesn't eat anything. They know that I have been doing my very best to tread water as a night security guard at the Smithsonian Museum in Washington DC. My only friend has been a comical-yet-candid sculpture of former US President Theodore Roosevelt.
$25 discretionary spending was beyond my ability when I got roped into a pyramid scheme where I bought palettes of Sanjaya Malakar Mp3 discs for resale to neighborhood organizations and sewing circles. I sold one to my poster of Wayne Rooney, though I think he bought it to be nice and is not really a Sanjaya fan; was not a part of Sanjayamania.
My living room, as you can imagine, is full of chicken cages, Sanjaya Mp3 cds, and Y2K instructional manuals that I bought 6 years ago as a pre-preemptive investment for Y2K1, or the year 2100. I was planning on scotch-taping the letter 1 on every reference of the phrase "Y2K" in the manuals and then reselling them on eBay or Amazon.co.uk for profit. My problem is that my time has run short. I have calculated that I can only finish 17 more books before the year Y2K1.
My night shift at the Museum has really led me into troughs of troubles and encounters with criminals and police. I find very little time to refresh during the days because my pet chicks require lullabies sung. They are not fans of Sanjaya, so I definitely cannot sing any of his hits like his cover of Consuelo Velázquez's 'Besame Mucho' or Irving Berlin's 'Cheek to Cheek'. Little known fact is that Chickens do not have cheeks. Lesser known is that they prefer songs sung to them in Finnish. So now I am also trying to learn Finnish. Tämä on erittäin kova.
Niin tyttö sanoi.
I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately and have found a real calling. In what free time I have, I toil over dance routine rehearsals. My goal is to headline a Las Vegas show where I reenact famous World Debates through interpretive dance upon a clothes-wire. I am currently working on an interpretation of the '1860 Oxford evolution debate' on high wire. The climax occurs when, (though it is not historically accurate - I do it for the sake of the theater), Charles Darwin appears from the ceiling and descends to the rope upon the back of a giant Galapagos Tortoise. There is an ensuing battle between David, the true King of Israel and Charles Darwin on Tortoise-back which incorporates many fireworks, dramatics, and is accompanied by Sanjaya Malakar singing John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change".
Unfortunately, last week, I fell from 15 feet and shattered my tibia during the rehearsal of this act. I have been left bedridden and with no assistance. I was very, very hungry for the week and now I only have 12 chickens.
Because of all of my struggles I thank the anonymous donor of my Premium account publically. I do not require you to step forward, but if you would like to private message me your mailing information, as soon as I can get out of bed I will post you a copy of my Mp3 CD for only $18.98 +s/h.
Kindest,
Wolffystyle.
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